Monday, February 28, 2011

Understanding Club Penguin-ese

I created this blog as a place where I could share my children's game-related creations. This booklet, titled "The Ultimate Club Penguin Sayings Guide (and Weird Stuff)", is based on her observations. She hand-wrote the text, which I have typed and reproduced below, in blue. It is a combination of a dictionary and cultural history text. Disney reps, if you are reading this, the ideas expressed in this booklet are those of an 11 year old CP user and reflect her opinions (I have kept her phrasing and spelling intact.)

Has any penguin ever said "oh my good" or "what the well" to you? If so, it was fake cursing. You can use it in real life too. But first, let's teach you the basics.
omg = oh my gosh
sys = see you soon
brb = be right back
lol = laugh out loud
Next we move onto more complex short forms, sayings and fake swears. This book will teach you all them and what they mean. Waddle on! (Mary)

Alcoholic Sayings
par = bar
deer = beer
vine = wine

Emotional / Sexual Sayings
seeksee = sexy
dove = love
hut = hot (as in good looking)
miss = kiss

Rude / Violent Sayings
crab = crap
dome = dumb / damn
shop gum = shot gun
hills / chills = kills
did = dead
soupid = stupid
kits = hits
hicks = kicks
well = hell
day = gay (as in lesebian-ish)

Holy Sayings
holly = holy
Good = God
demi good = demi god

Strangest EPF Conversation Ever!
EPF Boss: Herbert's become a menace. We can't take his crab.
Random Guy: Ya! We won't take his crab!
EPF Boss: We have no choice ...
EPF Guy: Sir, you don't mean ... ?
EPF Boss: We must hill Herbert
EPF Guy #2: Or we could take his crab
EPF Boss: What? R U NUTS?
EPF Guy #3: He means we'll take Klutzy until he surrenders.
EPF Boss: Oh! Great plan!

Urban Legends
There have been many CP legends, the golden puffle, the boiler monster, and the secret of the Phone Booth, to name a few. But we're here to talk about the most famous legend. The legend of Shayda the shadow ninja. Now you Non-CPeople will think "Oh it's no biggy. We have Jason and Bloody Mary to be afraid of, right?" Wrong! The CP shadow ninja was killed by a robber and now seeks revenge on all of the islanders. She can walk through windows and doors and kill all of the penguins, babies and adults alike. None of us are safe!

Now most of you new CPers wonder why the Pet Shop is so crowded. Well the truth is it's not only a pet shop. It's an orphanage. "Abandoned" babies live there until new families choose them as a child. Babies have blonde hair, carry teddies and talk strangely. Here is typical baby speech.

duh duh = dad
woo = you
wammy / muma = mom
dippy = diager
Mr. Butt Butt = butt
Teddy Town = a TV show for babies
baybee = baby
wes = yes
way = yay
wista = sister
broder = brother
wittle = little

The foster parents of CP babies are usually rich. Here is a typical adoption.

Rich Mom: steps out of golden limo from Hollywood. Red carpet roles out. Waves at fans. Is model.
Baby: Oooh! Looks at shining lights.
Rich Mom: Looks for pookie to spoil
Baby: Look at with rare aqua eyes. Is on cover of "pick your pookie" magazine
Baby: Was thrown out of speeding truck. Eyes tear up. Pwease pick me, mish!
Rich Mom: sees. Hi Pookie!
Baby: Hwi mish. Woo pwetty.
Rich Mom: scoops up like ice cream. Whispers softly in ear, I pick u.
Baby: Way! Giggles up strawberry bubbles of dove.

Colledge Students
Most kids want to be teens, think there life will be like a teen drama. Normally, they are wrong. But on CP, your life could be a teen drama about an unpopular girl who's in love with a jock. Some people decorate their iggies (igloos) as colledges, high schools and universities. There's texting and IMing galore, detentions, cheerleaders, proms, bacon, pie and llamas. Don't ask about the bacon, pies and llamas. Not even I, an expert at CP, has ever figured that out. All HS/U/Cs have a popular girl, a jock, a prep, an emo, a detention club, and another mish-mash of random teens. Here is a normal day at a CP colledge/high school / university.

9:00 Listen to teach go blahblah
9:15 Math
9:45 Trivia time
10:15 Science
10:30 Free priod
10:45 Text my BFF
10:50 Watch weird vids online (Elmo kissing Teach or JB vs Gramma)
11:00 Detention (Put a tack on teach's chair)
11:15 Another kid joins me (sent a video to every kid and distracted them from their studies)
11:55 Finally get out of Detention
12:00 Lunch
1:00 French
1:45 WRiting
2:00 Free priod
2:15 Listen to Paris talk about how pretty she is (yucky face)
2:30 Dying of boredom
3:00 Gym
3:30 Dismissal

Go back to 2:15. See Paris? Paris, a popular cheerleader who thinks she's all that, is also a prep. Preps are geeky girly-girls (girly girls who act weird) who freak when they break their nails. Trisha (not in the story) is a emo/goth. Emos get overly emotional whenever someone insults their gothy vampire-ness.
NOTE: Vampires are often disguised as colledge students. Oscar (not in story) is a nerd. But you all know what a nerd is, right? A guy with glasses and braces who likes studying. Anyway, this here is the awesomest line ever said about prep and emos.


All CP girls (most of them being preps) want to be totally glam like those models on Miss America. They prance around in their cheerleading uniforms acting like there better than the rest of us. Here is an example of a CP Glamgirl (in CP speech).

Paris: Hi CP! I'm Paris May Hollister, Captain of the cheerleaders. Flips hair. Applies eyeliner and mange twist beak gloss.
Paris: This is my totally hut locker! And it's pink, has mirror in it and even has my name on it in gold letters!
Paris: My daddy is like so rich, he bought me a BMW!
Paris: Oh my good! I broke a nail! Call 911! Crys!

But fortunately they don't bother us - much. They keep themselves busy with their little fashion shows - mostly.

Paris: Get away from me you emo! Ew cooties!

Well kids, there you have it. All the weird, wacky, crazy sayings and facts about Club Penguin. Now go and play and use your knowledge to help the EPF (forget I said that. There is no EPF. I ... there's no spies! Okay, there are, but dont' tell.) Anyway, keep your feet on the snow and waddle on!

No comments:

Post a Comment